yacoba

I've recently been struggling with a brain--whose first response is to say 'What's the point?'--when faced with any question. As un-fun as that has been, that question quickly spirals into the thought of 'What's the point of anything?' which is really kind of depressing.

One of the big things I just can't see a point in, is posting to any of my journals [not including update post for the cross-stitch community] 'cause of this I'm going to let my lj paid account laps, I really can't justify paying for it or any of them right now. [I should say--considering past post--that this has nothing to do with not hearing from friends, only that I really see no point in sharing my thoughts or plans. This may or may not change]

Beyond the stupidity of my current mind set at the moment, I've been trying to work on three of my current works in progress. Although I hate having deadlines when working, I've found that without a tentative goal I have a hard time settling on which project needs my attention most. So here's how he next couple of months ought to look.

Ome Jan - goal: finish by end of September so it can arrive in Holland before Nov. 4th

Murphy - goal: finished in time for my uncle's birthday late Nov.

Kiba 2.0 - goal: finished in time for Christmas if not sooner.

No doubt I'll pick up other patterns as I go but these will be my main three until one of them is done.

Other than stitching, I've been helping out an old man from the church. He wanted me to call him Ol'crusty, mum couldn't remember that the first time he called to speak to me, so she refer to him as Grumpy Curmugen [which he approves of ^_~] he needed someone to type up articles that he writes for a magazine that he used to put out and would like to again. I love typing and have far too much time on my hands so why not?

I met him downtown this morning to show him the first piece and make sure that everything was how he wanted it before giving him the final draft that would be sent out. Although I was alright with it at the time [he's a wonderful old man, great talker, excellent story teller] he's definitely more social than I am [which reminds me of a little rant I'll add at the end] Ol'crusty is on a first name basis with all the employees and it wasn't enough for us to just sit and talk, no he needed to introduce me to everyone.

Wasn't until I got home that I realized how much that situation bothered me, but despite that I'll go again tomorrow to deliver the final draft and collect more notes from him.

Rant - Why do people constantly feel that they need to change me? What is so wrong with being antisocial if I'm happy with it?! I'm continually met with people telling me I should get out more hang out with people I don't know and I've run out of ways to tell people I don't want any part in that. If you're not doing what makes them happy clearly you can't be yourself.

I am beyond tired of people making me feel like there's something wrong with me 'cause I'm more happy to be around family and a small circle of friends than a bunch of people I don't want to get close to. And unfortunately with a rant like this if I don't just stop all that will happen is I get more pissed off, something I can do without.

So that's it.